Ponyloid-ism
by Syringed
Summary: Hatsune Miku is bored. What does she do? She surfs the waves of the Internet, and things get quite out of hand, or, for a more fitting term, hoof. Through the powers of leeks, stupidity, and godly adorableness, she gets sent to the odd land of all things pony, where she laughs, cries, gets angry, and gets the crap thoroughly kicked outta her.
1. TASTE THE RAINBOW

**Ponyloid-ism**

By: Syringed

**Originally uploaded on FimFiction**

* * *

An extremely bored Miku Hatsune was sitting in the middle of her dark bedroom, with a Windows laptop sitting in her lap, and a giant tub of leek-flavored ice cream sitting a few inches away. She leaned on the table, holding her head up with her wrist. A small stream of drool flowed from her mouth, down her arm, and collected into a small puddle on the table.

Having just beaten the last video game she had on her laptop, she was officially completely out of things to do.

It has been months, since Master had last used her program, Vocaloid 2.0. 8 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, and 31 minutes since her program was last used. She counted.

Now who was this Master that she spoke of? Well, he was her user, her producer, the one who supplied the music she sang so gracefully. Whatever he was doing, it wasn't involving her, or her singing talents.

As a result, life had decayed to simply "Wake up, eat, practice singing, play a video game, sleep." It was pathetic, boring, plain, and, in a way, it wasn't living it all. It's not like the Vocaloid program actually generated a proper world for her to live in. As a matter of fact, the world stopped generating after about 5 miles, and it's not like she lived within five miles of any major Japanese city.

She literally went to every one of the few stores in the vicinity, and bought at least several hundred thousand virtual yens worth of merchandise, and the only clothing store in the vicinity didn't have its clothing lines updated as the months went by. As the fashionistas say, those clothes were SO last week!

Miku also played and beat literally every video game she had in her possession. Yes, even the Impossible Game. Even worse, most of the other Vocaloids lived past the five mile boundary. The only one that did was Neru and she spent all her time diddling away on her blasted iPhone.

"Totemo taikutsu datta…" She muttered, eating another spoonful of leek ice cream. Only thing left to do is to derp around on the Internet.

She opened Internet Explorer, and opened three tabs on the browser: Tumblr, Youtube, and a site with images of people committing lewd acts.

No, you didn't read that wrong. She was watching porn. The fact that cute and innocent Hatsune Miku was watching porn shocks even us, the writers.

But we can partially blame loneness on this, and we can also blame Master for being an ass-hat by ignoring her.

But, a girl has needs, right?

And don't be so quick to pass judgment on her for committing such a lewd and heinous act, because in at least one point in our lives, we have done the exact same thing. Don't try to look so innocent.

* * *

After sufficiently satisfying herself and sufficiently cleansing herself, Miku closed the tab filled with things completely inappropriate for a story as such. She then cleared her history, as such an act as she just committed was taboo in society. Plus it would destroy, or at least damage her reputation. It is sad actually, to see people so focused on personal appearance. Plus, she's a virtual pop star, no one should actually give a damn.

But that is not what matters right now.

She then switched to the Tumblr tab. Why Tumblr? Because there was always images of her in outfits that made her look absolutely stunning/adorable/desirable. It was a decent source of entertainment. Plus a few of them were outfits that she would kill for. Hopefully she won't actually kill to get them, because what would we ever do withthe epitome of graceful cuteness and voca music that is Hatsune Miku sitting in prison on the charges of third degree murder.

Any who, she proceeded to log in, typing her email address, her password, and her username which was completely and utterly inconspicuous: "TehSexyMiku01".

Moving her cursor to the top of the page, she typed in her name, and pressed enter. She was eager to find new images of herself. Waiting with bated breath, she watched the page loading, pixel by pixel.

And the first image that showed up. Under it, the label 'r34' was present in big red letters.

It was just the first image anyways, it not like all people posted on tumblr was porno.

She waited for the entire page to load. As each image loaded one by one, each and every single one had the label 'r34' under it.

Now for the sake of the children, there shall be no descriptions of these lewd images.

As the rules of the Internet say, "There is porn of it, no exceptions." Emphasis on NO EXCEPTIONS.

"No, no, no, no!" Miku shouted.

She shook her head back and forth, her teal pigtails swinging wildly. What did she expect? Everyone knows the rules of the Internet. Even Black Jesus knew of the rules of the Internet and he didn't even have Wi-Fi.

She had just watched porn and then is embarrassed by some more porn. Hypocrisy.

Any who, she slammed her left index finger on the control key, and her right index finger on the 'w' key. Her teal laptop bounced around in response to her manic attempts to close the tab filled with rather embarrassing images. Then a window popped up.

_Internet Explorer is not responding._

"Dono you najigoku desu!?" She screamed. She threw her arms into the air and let out a scream of rage. She then slammed her head against the table in front of her.

Exhibit A everyone, why you shouldn't use Internet Explorer.

In a last ditch attempt to rid herself of the humiliating images, she slammed her fist on the power button of her laptop. She held it there, putting more and more of her weight on the power button. Finally, the screen went black.

She let out her breath in relief.

Miku pressed the power button again, letting the computer start back up again.

Learning from her mistake, she moved her cursor pass the sobbing icon of Internet Explorer and to the smirking multi-colored sphere of Google Chrome.

Once Chrome was open, she typed in in the address bar, and pressed enter.

She decided to check out the home page of Youtube, just to check what was hot right now. Her finger scrolled down the wheel of her teal mouse.

There was nothing particularly interesting, other than a trailer for the new Halo game, and a trailer for another one-word Disney movie. Nothing caught the eye of the 16 year old pop star.

She scrolled down the page some more, and one video did catch her eye.

It was simply named 'MLP: Diarrhea is Shit.'

Miku giggled at the ridiculous name of the video. She moved her mouse towards the video's thumbnail, and clicked on it. The familiar dotted circle of Youtube appeared on the page.

While she waited for the video to buffer, she looked at the date of which the video was uploaded. There was no date. Odd. She looked at the name of the channel in which it was uploaded. There was no channel name. Oddilicious.

Miku knew something was wrong, she could smell it, but then the video finished buffering and an image of six cartoonish Technicolor characters appeared.

The characters were equine in body shape. Each had its own color scheme, differing in body colors, mane styles, and eye color. Each also had its own symbol on its flank, representing something completely unknown to her.

Before Miku could dwell on the fact that something was fishy about this video, she realized one fact about these characters. They. Were. Adorable.

She squealed in extreme fangirl fashion.

"Korer no poniichan ha totemo kawaii!" She held her sleeved arms to her chest, and turned her body left and right. It almost looked like an abridged version of stretching your back, but still managed to look rather adorable on her.

All of a sudden, the images of the ponies disappeared, and replacing the image was a bag of Skittles.

"Desu ka…Skittles?" She asked herself, wondering why the images transitioned so suddenly.

Suddenly, her entire computer screen was filled with the rainbow colored, juicy, delightful candies. They burst out of the Youtube video, flowing out onto her computer screen, and finally, with a shower of crystalline liquid, the Skittles flew out of the screen like little rockets, little tails of deliciousness trailing like comet tails.

They completely engulfed Miku, while in the distance she could hear a voice yelling, "Taste the Rainbow Motherfucka!"

In any other situation, the phrase would be extremely out of place, and the speaker of the phrase would probably be deemed a whack-ass. She didn't know what symbolic meaning the phrase had, or why some mystical being was shouting in the first place.

The delicious candies began to glow their respective colors. It began with little steaks of purple, red and green orbiting around Miku at impossible speeds. But the candies' brightness increased in proportion to their swift increase in speed.

Soon, the little candies lost their visible color, and morphed into one giant cloud of blinding white. Miku shut her eyes tight, and even through her eyelids, she could feel the bright lights burn into her eyes.

Then somehow, amidst the bright lights, she blacked out.

* * *

Warm.

It feels warm.

Why does it feel warm?

Did Miku accidentally burn herself in the shower again? I wouldn't be surprised if she did.

No, this was heat from sunlight. How could it be sunlight? As far as she knew, she was inside her bedroom.

Miku slowly opened her eyes.

It was bright. Brighter than that one time Neru tried her flashlight app on her.

"Desu ka…nani kore?" She muttered, both annoyed and confused. She opened her eyes once more, slowly letting the sunlight into her eyes. She blinked several times, images of the sun and several puffy clouds slowly becoming clearer.

It was tranquil, and quiet. One could just lie there for hours, and just think about life, the Universe, and everything.

Out of nowhere, the face of a small yellow horse with a red mane wearing a matching red bow filled her vision.

"Ya'll alright?" The little filly asked. There was concern evident in her voice.

Miku blinked, ever so slowly.

"Desu ka…kore ponii?" She asked herself, not believing what her sense of vision was detecting.

"Sorry, but I don't understand what you are saying. Did you say…day-sew cah?" the filly asked.

Now there were several facts that one could, and would, notice right of the bat, like this little horse was talking, but of course, Miku decided to notice the most insignificant fact that one could notice. That fact was that this little filly was the most adorable thing that she had ever seen.

Big. Motherfucking. Deal.

She squealed in the most obnoxious fangirl voice that has ever been heard and threw her arms around the little filly. She then squeezed, with the power of a trash compacter squeezing down on a giant plushie. A few painful sounding cracks were heard here and there, but they were swiftly disregarded by the high levels of cuteness emanating from the little filly.

"Ponii-chan! Ponii-chan! Ponii-chan! Ponii-chan kawaii!" Miku squealed over and over again in complete admiration of the adorable little filly.

Now we get that ponies are rather cute, but really, there are more important things to attend to at the moment.

...

Miku?

...

Fine. Continue.

Said filly, however, could not return the favor as she was currently getting the life squeezed out of her.

"Ah…can't…breathe…" Applebloom rasped. She gasped and wheezed, but failed to get any of that precious oxygen into her system. As blackness started to fill Applebloom's vision, a pale blue replaced the red in her face.

Miku, however, did not notice the filly she was hugging, if you could call whatever that is hugging, was turning a pale sort of blue. Instead she noticed her arms were no longer what one would actually call arms.

They were white stumps, like thick leeks. At the tips, she could recognize hooves.

Her left eye twitched ever so slightly, and the left side of her mouth curled up, giving her the look of a madman. Well, a madmare would be the more correct term for the current situation.

"…Watashino, ponii?" She said, her mind not able to wrap around the fact that she was no longer what the scientists would call '_homo-sapiens_'.

In typical teenage girl fashion, she burst into tears and fell to the ground, sobbing pathetically. She slammed her hooves against the soft grass, wailing "Watashino ponii!" over and over again.

Hormones. They will ruin lives.

Meanwhile, Applebloom had recovered from her asphyxiation, and was currently attempting to stand without aggravating her sore ribs even more.

She did notice the little scene that was unfolding in front of her as she was standing up.

Applebloom just stood there, unsure of how to tackle the situation. Wailing in front of her was a white teenage unicorn with long teal pigtails slamming her hooves against the ground like a five year old having a temper tantrum.

"Ah'm gonna have a hard time explaining this to Applejack…" Applebloom thought grimly. "And even worse, Ah can't even understand what this crazy mare is sayin'."


	2. This is Miku, and WELCOME TO JACKASS

**Ponyloid-ism**

By: Syringed

* * *

To anyone who just happened to be walking by Sweet Apple Acres, they may have seen the rather odd sight of a small struggling yellow filly dragging a bawling white unicorn by the tail.

Meanwhile, Applebloom was starting to really get irritated at the strange unicorn's high pitched sobbing. With an agitated sigh, she dropped her long teal tail and looked towards the farmhouse. Judging from the fact that the farmhouse looked about the size of her hoof, it looked about two acres away.

Two bucking acres away. God dammit.

Applebloom groaned, and stared back at the sniffling pony. Said pony was now curled into the fetal position, rocking back and forth.

Applebloom could now actually take a good look at the unicorn without her thrashing about like a dumb drunkard. She was white, as white as cocaine. Atop her head was a blanket of teal hair, tied into two ankle-long pigtails by a pair of square shaped hair bands. Oddly enough, the hairbands looked at though they did not even touch the mare's mane.

Applebloom wondered how the hairbands could hold the hair in place, without even touching the hair itself. Maybe they were made out of metal, and there were magnets in her hair. Or maybe it was some whack-ass magical thing that the Amaricans invented.

Back to the sniffling unicorn, she had strange black sleeves with one giant rectangle screen installed on each one. As of now, they were blank, but Applebloom made a few guesses on what these screens were used for.

"Maybe Ah can watch movies on them! Ah could go around giving people a show for a small fee!" Applebloom gushed as she was completely oblivious to the obvious innuendo that had just left her mouth.

Lastly, on the unicorn's flank, was two numbers: 0 and 1, sitting side by side. The two numbers meant absolutely nothing to Applebloom, then again, it wasn't her cutie mark, and one couldn't really understand what another's cutie mark meant without them telling.

After a full examination of the unicorn, Applebloom deducted that this unicorn was not from around these parts.

* * *

Meanwhile, high above the clouds, Black Jesus was watching the amusing scene playing before him on his 110" plasma TV. The obviousness of Applebloom's statement made him want to palm his face.

"No really!? The fact that she was speaking in another language didn't give it away you dumb bitch!?" He yelled, throwing his holy popcorn into the holy air.

* * *

Ahem.

Anywho, Applebloom noticed that the unicorn had stopped sniffling. She looked closer, and noticed that the unicorn's sobbing heaves stopped and was replaced with a slow steady breathing. Her eyes were closed, and there was a rather adorable look of peacefulness on her face.

Miku had fallen asleep, completely spent from throwing a tantrum.

"At least she won't be thrashing about this time…"

* * *

The final two acres to the Apples' house was the longest two acres Applebloom ever traveled, thanks to the unicorn currently sleeping on the floor of the kitchen.

Whoever she was, she was pretty heavy for someone her size. Perhaps she was one of those body builders who spent all their time taking drugs and downing revolting protein drinks. Or maybe she was just fat and didn't show it.

Here's another valid idea. Applebloom does not lift.

When Applebloom brought the sleeping unicorn into the house, reactions to Miku by the Apples were mixed.

Applebloom's older sister, Applejack didn't exactly react well to the newcomer. She kept ranting on about bringing complete strangers into her house and stomped upstairs yelling about how they'll drink all her 'special apple jack'.

On the other hoof, her big brother, Big Mac was a lot more accommodating for their guest. In fact, he moved his entire breakfast, containing hay waffles, hay pancakes, several bananas and half a gallon of apple juice, to the living room for Miku to sleep on. On the downside he had to endure the senile Granny Smith watching him like a hawk.

Or it was because he found Miku really hot, and as a single and rather horny stallion, was desperate for female companionship.

Whatever it was, Applebloom did have a feeling that it was the latter, because as they were lifting Miku onto the dining table, Big Mac had a glazed look on his face, and a drop of drool fell from his mouth.

Meanwhile…

* * *

"Ship it! Ship it! Ship it!" Black Jesus chanted as he made another batch of holy popcorn.

* * *

Currently, Applebloom was sitting at the dining table, watching and waiting for Miku to wake up, eager to find out who this strange pony was.

Not creepy at all.

She sat there.

And sat there.

Applebloom leaned on the table, holding her head up with her right hoof.

A sudden dry feeling passed through her mouth. She stood up, and walked to the sink.

She came back with her thirst quenched and sat back down.

"Oh c'mon!" She yelled out, her short patience finally running out. Alas, she was unaware that she was sitting right next to the sleeping unicorn's ear.

"YAHHHHHHHH!" Miku screamed as she felt her right eardrum being shattered by the yells of the child. She rolled over, grabbing her ear in pain. She kept rolling, like a barrel, and hit the edge of the table.

She stopped there, still unaware that she was teetering on the edge.

She reached her hoof out, and brought it down to vent her pain. Instead of hitting a surface, it passed through the area where Miku had anticipated the tabletop to be.

The movement upset the delicate balance between Miku and a painful fall to the gound.

With a yelp, she went over the edge.

The impact wasn't the most subtle, as it sent Applejack running down the stairs, yelling "What happened?!" and "Are you alright Applebloom?!" and expecting to find a pained Applebloom.

Instead, she came greeted with the sight of Miku laying on the ground, whimpering, and Applebloom standing nearby, rubbing the back of her mane.

"I…tai…." Miku whimpered, tears forming at the corner of her tightly shut eyes.

* * *

The language barrier is a bitch.

That was the conclusion that Applebloom and Applejack came to after attempting to communicate with the blabbering unicorn.

"Nan domo kuri kaeshi onajiko to woitt! Naze rikai suruko tohade kima senka?!" Miku yelled, agitated by the fact that these ponies obviously did not understand what she was saying.

"Ah'm sorry, but Ah can't speak with yah if Ah can't understand what in Equestria ya are sayin'!" Applejack yelled right back, agitated by the fact that this unicorn would not shut up.

The two went back and forth, yelling louder and louder each rebound.

Soon, their yelling escalated to the point where could be heard by residents of outer Ponyville.

Applebloom had long since taken shelter in her room. She had shoved earplugs into her ears and burrowed herself into her bed sheets, pillows, and blankets.

Downstairs, the vocal war continued.

"Shatto da un shite sudeni anata no oroka na amerika no inaka de hanashi taito omoi masu!"

"Quit yah oriental crap and shut up before Ah throw you out yah bitch!"

Meanwhile, old senile Granny Smith sat in front of the TV, completely oblivious to the vocal war going on one room over. Big Mac, on the other hand, was peeking into the kitchen, hoof on his little dicklet.

It escalated to the point where Applejack was _this_ close to throttling Miku, and Miku was ready to give the other mare a good beating with her leeks. Before all hell could break loose however, there was a energetic sounding knock on the door.

Applejack looked away for a brief moment, staring at the back door. She then turned back to the unicorn who was ready to spew out another flurry of Japanese insults.

"We will finish this later." She snarled darkly.

"Anata no mesuinu…" Miku spat. She curling her hoof in and attempted to raise her middle finger. Nothing happened.

She looked at her hoof, and could not find the middle finger that she very desperately needed.

Blasted equine appendages.

Applejack put her hoof on the door, and twisted the door knob. The instance the door was unlatched, the door swung open with the velocity of Babe Ruth swinging his baseball bat.

The door hit the wall with a loud smash. Several hundred ponies came pouring into the Apple's dining room, the group being led by a pink pony hopping around like she was high on crack.

Watch out guys, Pinkie Pie is here.

The group surrounded the confused Miku, an excited looks plastered on each of the ponies' faces. From the middle of the crown, Pinkie Pie jumped out and broke into song.

"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" The retarded pink horse sang. "A fine welcome to you!"

As Pinkie danced around the confused white unicorn singing improvised crap, Applejack pushed the door out of her face, ever so slowly. She then pushed herself out of the pony-sized dent in the wall and fell to the floor in a heap, her brown Stetson floating down and landing on her head.

"A-Ah'm okay…" whimpered Applejack. She was unaware that everyone else was too busy throwing a screaming Miku into the air to notice her pain.

Forever alone.

"…welcome to Ponyville today!" Pinkie Pie let the last note fade out, before throwing her top hat and cane into the air. Where did she get those anyways?

Somehow, the top hat just so happened to land on Miku's head on its way down.

Down on the ground, Pinkie Pie bowed, and subtly clicked a small button in her right hoof.

Several microwaves and pipes rose out of the crowd. A ding sounded, and cake shot out of the pipes and fireworks flew out of the microwaves.

As cake rained down from the heavens and fireworks flew around, pelting ponies and jabbing a few in the eye, the group scattered, letting Miku fall face-first onto the floor from the ceiling. It was complete and utter chaos, so chaotic that even Discord was jealous of the chaotic nature of the event.

While the ponies ran around trying to find cover, the freaked out and slightly pained Miku took this moment to bolt out of the house, fueled by pure adrenaline and self-induced GTFO.

She sprinted, running out of the open back door, and out into the bright sunlight.

Of course, she wasn't exactly accustomed to running on four legs. She stumbled every so often, but barely recovering every time.

She tripped over her own hooves after about 30 seconds of running and face-planted into the soft dirt, Pinkie's top hat landing a few inches from her.

She lay there, sobbing quietly at her own pathetic performance. She had a few moments of peace, just to think about the situation she had so pitifully gotten herself in. Then she felt the ground rumbling beneath her.

With a confused look on her face, she turned around. She was met with the horrifying sight of the group that had welcomed/scared the living crap out of her galloping straight towards her, each screaming about getting the flip outta dodge.

A tear fell out of Miku's left eye, and she braced herself for a world of pain.


End file.
